Grumble Grumble with a Spinkle of Pleasant

Dear smoker waiting next to me at a red light hanging your cigarette out of your open window,

If you don't like the stink of burning carcinogens filling your nostrils, what makes you think the rest of us non-smokers want it wafting into ours?



Dear neighbors who let their dog bark bark bark bark incessantly last night,

I am going to record my child's most heinous tantrum and play it on repeat at full blast just outside of your bedroom window when you're trying to go to sleep. Fair is fair.



Dear cube neighbor,

If I have to hear you loudly ask yourself questions in the third person about why you're so stupid one more time, I'm going to have to forge a doctor's note so that I can start my maternity leave early or I'll be forced to blurt out an answer that might get me fired.



Dear bladder,

Man up. I know you're under a lot of pressure right now but at the rate we've been going through TP lately, we're going to have to take out a 2nd mortgage.


Dear new followers,

Thank you for making me feel like my ramblings are amusing to people other than my friends who are obligated to follow my blog.