Quick Takes rev 8

What's this, you ask? It's a long overdue blog post for which y'all have been clicking refresh on your readers over the last 4 months. And to make sure I don't go impressing anyone with originality or depth , I've put together a list of moments and thought bubbles from this past week that only I will find funny and am linking it up with one of the prettiest redheads I know, know of, cyber-stalk. That came out a smidgen creepier than I intended. Moving on...

~1~

Overheard on the elevator at work (names changed to protect the clueless):

Dilbert: "Yea so I always seem to fail in the Christmas gift department with my wife so this year, I decided to think completely out of the box."
Sherman: "What did you get her?"
Dilbert: "A welder."
Sherman: *silence*
Dilbert: "Well she's always bringing home these random things made of metal to decorate the house with so I figured this way, she can just make her own. She's really creative like that."

Um. Good luck with that Richard Suave.

~2~

Wednesday was a proud day in the history of my motherland. The first woman president was elected into office! Now, as with all things related to politics, there are folks who celebrate and folks who prefer the taste of hater-ade. Not everyone reacted with such enthusiasm like the hair flag lady. Putting all the partisan/platform issues aside, I'm still marveling at the fact that a country where open-mouthed kissing just barely made its way onto network television within the last decade or so elected a woman into power. I'm not equating risque TV to gender equality. I'm simply pointing out how conservative Korean society has remained even well into the 21st century. It's quite miraculous that South Korea has trailblazed past 'Muricka in female political leadership. Deh-han-ming-guk! Hwy-ting! (I clearly need to download Korean characters because that just looks ridiculous.)

~3~

After years of desparately clutching to pre-written instructions, I've made some progress in the be-adventurous-when-cooking department and whipped up these turkey balls on the fly for dinner with not a Food Network recipe in sight! They came out browned, flavorful, and moist which is the trifecta of meatball cooking (according to Food Network). I threw them in some marinara then poured it over spaghetti squash and proceded to eat 3 servings. It's ok because the 'noodles' are actually veggies and turkey meat has no calories. The bread in the meatballs don't count as carbs because you can't see them.

~4~

Top: Stage 1
Bottom: Stage 2

These pictures show the tragic aftermath of Hurricane Post-Partum Hair Loss. A year has passed and hope has finally been restored. A world free of brillo-pad hairline is a reality, at least until the next post partum diaster. I have until next Thursday to decide if I want to better camoflauge the quasi-bangs with a more blunt variety.

~5~

It's the end of the Jorts era. As I was loading up bags of clothes/toys destined for St. Vincent de Paul, I noticed Matt had made a few contributions. Surprised,  (since he's a clothes hoarder and would still have pants with leather pockets hanging in the closet if it wasn't (weren't?) for my obsessive auditing/purging of clothes), I took a closer look to make sure I wasn't mistaking a laundry pile as a donation pile. That's when I saw an all too familiar set of shorts with 'Sean John' embroidered on the side. I shed a tear and poured out a little coffee to show some respect.

~6~

H followed me into the water closet (yes, I could've just said 'bathroom' but I like to use overly-specific names for everyday things) to provide a soundtrack of "Gangnam Style" for me to go #1 to. He was in the middle of his rendition of the chorus when he made a revelation in human anatomy: 

"Heeeeeeeeey, it's a ladle. Oh-oh-oh-oh, oppa...Mommy, where does your pee come out of? Your butt?"

~7~

You may have to worry about keeping up with the Jones' but for me, it's the Griswold's. When it comes to Christmas lights, these neighbors don't play around. Let me break it down: on the right is a life-sized gingerbread house with a life-sized Santa mannequin inside looking out at you. What nightmares are made of, I tell you. On the roof is a giant manger scene complete with every farm animal known to man. (Although they clearly didn't get the memo that you're not supposed to put baby Jesus out until after Christmas. Don't mind me, I'm just being a Christmas decoration etiquette nazi.) To top it off, the tree of lights on the left is set to blink in sync with Christmas music blaring through speakers, also on their roof, for all of Sun Groves to jam to.

On that note, I hope everyone has a vurry murry Chrimp-mus. Until next time. I'll try to keep it less than 4 months but I'm making no promises.

Spesto

Jorts has no chicken consumption limit. He could seriously eat it all day, urryday. So in my neverending quest to find ways to jazz up his fowl of choice, I came across this delightful recipe. Not only is it queasy (quick & easy), it also helps use up my Costco-sized tub-o-spinach before it starts to resemble ectoplasm. Win/win.

Ingredients:
3 cups lightly packed baby spinach leaves
1/4 cup pine nuts
2 tbl lemon juice
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/3 cup grated Parmesan

Throw the spinach, pine nuts, and lemon juice into a food processor and pulse until it comes together. With the machine running, slowly add the EVOO until the mixture gets nice and creamy. Lightly salt and pulse a couple more times to get the party started. Transfer the spinach to a bowl. Stir in the Parmesan. Season with salt & pepper to taste.

Spinach Pesto = Spesto

Don't go heavy on the salt the first time around because the cheese will also add savoriness. You can always add more salt at the end if you must. Now just slather this green goodness on some grilled chicken or dress up a ho-hum turkey sandwich. Enjoy!

Chosen

Aside from the occasional heart-to-heart-screen (?) on more serious matters, my Sunday drive blog mostly consists of hardly-enriching content (which leaves me in bewilderment that any of you are reading this). So to switch things up, here is a snippet from one of many incredible notes from our pastor in a recent church bulletin. Fingers crossed that this will help me meet the bare minimum quota for being a value-contributing member of the blogging community.

What does it mean to be chosen? I think at some level everyone wants to be chosen, to hear their name called. The worst place on the playground is in the place that is chosen last for a game, or not chosen at all. I was always skinny and un-athletic, left handed, so no gloves fit my hands...I know what it feels like to be chosen last. But I also know what it feels like to be chosen first! Long before God called me to be a priest he chose me, he picked me first. Not before you though. He chose me when I was created in my mother's womb. And he chose you first as well, in your mother's womb, before you even knew it. That fundamental choice is why we as Catholics are pro-life not because of scientific evidence, or ultrasounds, or any human reason. We choose life because God has chosen us first.

~ Fr. Dan

Now before you go into a frenzy, my intention of this post isn't to start a pro-life/pro-choice debate or to promote my religion over anyone else's. My list of flaws is neverending and I am the last person who could ever throw a stone. I just wanted to share something that made me feel one step closer to understanding my faith, in hopes that it does the same for even just one reader.

We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming (i.e. food, babies, incoherent ramblings) next post. Don't you worry.

Muffin top = bad; Cupcake top = good

I'm sure y'all have been brow furrowed worried about my absence from this-here blog (or....just Grace.)

"Did she pull a Dave Chappelle to escape the demands of being a working mom?"

"Did she run away to be a food truck roadie?"

"Did she get institutionalized after attempting to potty train a toddler who poops like a lumberjack?"

"Did she marry Kim Jong Un?"

As likely as the top 3 items are, the truth is: I've just been lazy. Or busy. Or lazy. Same-same. So to assure you that I'm alive and well, here's a cupcake recipe that is guaranteed to provide your daily recommended dose of antioxidants and protein. Claim may or may not be FDA approved.



dark chocolate & peanut butter cupcakes

For cupcakes:

1 stick unsalted butter, cut into a few pieces for easier melting later

1/3 cup bittersweet chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli double chocolate chips from Costco)

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

3/4 cup AP flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp baking powder

2 eggs

3/4 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup sour cream

For Frosting:

1 cup powdered sugar

1 cup creamy peanut butter

5 tbl unslated butter, at room temp

3/4 tsp vanilla extract

1/3 tsp salt

1/3 heavy cream

1. Combine butter, chocolate, and cocoa in a heatproof bowl and microwave at 50% power, stirring every 30 seconds, until completely melted. The 30 second intervals are important because you don't want to burn the chocolate. You can also melt using a double boiler set up but I'm all about minimizing the amount of dirty dishes so I prefer the microwaver method. Set chocolate mixture aside to cool.
2. Whisk flour, baking soda and baking powder in a small bowl to combine and eliminate any lumps.
3. In another bowl, whisk eggs and sugar to combine. Add vanilla and salt then whisk some more until fully incorporated. Add cooled chocolate mixture and whisk until combined. Sift 1/3 of flour mixture over chocolate mixture and whisk until combined. Whisk in sour cream until combined then sift remaining flour mixture and whisk until batter is smooth and thick
4. Bake at 325F for 18-20 mins, until the tops of the cupcakes are set to touch. Cool completely before frosting.
5. For the frosting: set your electric mixture to med and cream together powdered sugar, peanut butter, butter, vanilla, and salt in a bowl. Add the heavy cream and beat on hi until frosting is fluffy, smooth, and you have to fight every urge to stick your face in it.

I had a little bit of batter leftover after filling my muffin pan so instead of dirtying a 2nd pan, I decided to break the don't-fill-more-than-2/3-of-the-cup-rule and distributed the remaining batter among the 12 cups. I know, I'm a rebel. The cupcakes still turned out tasty but they put the term 'muffin top' to shame.



Bombs of the Irish Car Version

In cupcake form.

These. Are. Amazing.

So much so that I give most of them away just so I don't gain my pregnancy weight back from eating all 2 dozen of them with a gallon of milk at my side. (That may or may not have happened in the past.)

Makes 24 cupcakes.

For the cupcakes:

12 oz. bottle of Guinness, extra stout

1 cup unsalted butter, room temp

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

2 cups all purpose flour

2 cups granulated sugar

1.5 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp salt

2 large eggs, room temp

2/3 cup sour cream

1. Preheat oven to 350. Line 24 cupcake cups with liners. Bring the Guinness and butter to a simmer in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until the mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.
2. Whisk the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt in a large bowl to combine. Using an electric mixer, beat the eggs and sour cream on medium speed until combined. Add the Guinness-chocolate mixture to the egg mixture and beat just to combine. (FYI: I add a little bit of the chocolate mixture then mix before adding the rest to temper the eggs just in case the chocolate mixture is still a bit too warm.) Reduce the speed to low, add the flour mixture and beat briefly. Using a rubber spatula, fold the batter until completely combined. Divide the batter among the cupcake liners. Bake for about 17 minutes or until the cupcakes are set to the touch. Cool the cupcakes completely before filling & frosting.

For the ganache filling:
1.25 c bittersweet chocolate chips
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons butter, room temp
3. Pour the chocolate chips into a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate. Let it sit for one minute and then, using a rubber spatula, stir it from the center outward until smooth. Add the butter and stir until combined. Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped.
4. Using the bottom of a large decorating tip, cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes, going about two-thirds of the way down. Transfer the ganache to a piping bag with a wide tip (or a ziploc bag with a corner snipped off works just fine) and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top.

For the Bailey's frosting:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temp
2 cups powdered sugar
6 tablespoons Baileys Irish Cream

5. Using the whisk attachment of an electric hand mixer, whip the butter on med-hi for a few minutes. Reduce the speed to low and slowly add the powdered sugar until all the sugar is incorporated. Even though it takes a while, it's really important to add the sugar a few tablespoons at a time. If you add too much too quickly, your frosting will be grainy and you'll need A LOT more sugar to get your frosting to thicken up. When the frosting looks thick enough to spread, drizzle in the Baileys and whip until combined. If this has made the frosting too thin, beat in 1 or 2 more spoonfuls of powdered sugar.
6. Using your favorite decorating tip or a spatula, frost the cupcakes and decorate however your heart desires. Store the cupcakes in an airtight container.

Note: The recipe above gave me enough frosting to decorate my cupcakes with those small starbursts you see in the pictures but if you want to frost them with super high swirls, you'll probably want to double it. I also had a bunch of ganache leftover so I used it to add more tiny starbursts. Wasting food, especially chocolate, is a mortal sin in my house.

Recipe adapted from Brown Eyed Baker and Smitten Kitchen.